🖥️ The Laptop: From Delaware to D.C.

Hunter’s laptop was the Pandora’s box of American politics.

Dropped off in 2019, abandoned like an old gym bag.

FBI seized it, but not before a copy landed in Rudy Giuliani’s lap — just in time to nuke the 2020 election.

Contents? The trifecta of tabloid hell: drug binges, sex tapes, and emails about Burisma and Chinese business deals.

Media first called it “Russian disinfo.” Two years later? NYT and WaPo sheepishly confirmed: yeah, a lot of it’s real.

💼 Burisma: The $50k-a-Month Question

From 2014 to 2019, Hunter raked in about $3M as a Burisma board member.

No energy expertise. His role was basically: “Hi, I’m a Biden. Pay me.”

Joe Biden’s policy moves in Ukraine? So far, no smoking gun he bent U.S. policy for Burisma.

The infamous “$5M bribe”? Total fiction, spun by an FBI informant now rotting in prison.

🎨 Art Hustle: Monet Meets Money-Laundering

When the Burisma checks dried up, Hunter reinvented himself as an artist.

Prices: $75k–$500k per canvas. That’s rookie paint-by-splatter, sold like a Monet.

Buyers? Anonymous. Ethics experts called it what it looked like: a pay-for-access racket dressed in acrylics.

White House said there were “ethical walls.” Sure — and I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

🔫 Gun Case (2018 → 2024)

Hunter lied on a federal firearm form about drug use.

Convicted in June 2024.

Daddy Joe swept in with a December 2024 presidential pardon.

💰 Tax Case (2014–2019 → 2024)

Millions in unpaid/late taxes tied to his Burisma years.

Pled guilty September 2024.

Also vaporized by the same December pardon.

⚖️ The Big Picture

Hunter = chaos magnet. Every hustle he touched (Burisma, art, laptop) smelled like influence-peddling.

Legal heat? Gun + tax convictions showed the system did catch him — until the presidential pardon erased them.

Joe’s role? Despite oceans of smoke, no hard evidence he personally cashed in. But the optics? Brutal.

🎯 Verdict

Hunter Biden didn’t just skate on his last name — he monetized it, trashed it, and dragged it through the courts.

Burisma checks: shady but legal.

Art prices: laughable but legal.

Gun + tax crimes: real convictions, real pardons.

Laptop: messy proof that all of the above were not fever dreams.

Hunter turned the “Biden” brand into a side hustle of grift, scandal, and courtroom drama — and his dad’s pen was the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card.